Colossians 3:18-19. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
Likewise, when a husband fails to love his wife unconditionally, she feels hurt and rejected. What’s the antidote?
Honor and respect him unconditionally! As you do, often it will break down the resistance in your husband and cause him to begin to love you with unconditional agape-love.
Some wives may say, “I cannot respect my husband because of things that he has said and done in the past. Now he needs to earn my respect and show me that he deserves it.”
Wives, ask yourselves this question. What would you do if your husband said to you, “You do not deserve my love. You have to earn my love before I’ll give it to you.” How would that make you feel? Terrible, of course! That’s why the Lord tells husbands to love their wives with unconditional love.
Just so, the respect that a man needs and requires is not respect conditioned upon his performance or good judgment, but unconditional respect that is bestowed upon him simply because God says to do it.
In honoring your husband unconditionally, you are honoring God. Furthermore, you are extending grace to your husband and grace is what will cause him to have dominion over sin, rather than sin to have dominion over him.
Husbands need unconditional respect in the same way that wives need unconditional love! According to our text, we each have a duty to respond to our spouse in a manner that is not dependent upon our spouse’s reaction to us.
A husband has a God-ordained responsibility to love his wife unconditionally with agape, regardless of whether or not she shows respect to him. If he will do that, most of the time she will eventually begin to respond by showing him the respect and admiration that he desires.
Likewise, if a wife will begin to show unconditional respect and admiration to her husband, even when he fails to show unconditional agape-love to her, most of the time, he will eventually begin to treat her with the tenderness and love that she desires.
(If you are interested in further study along this line, I recommend to you the book Love & Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, published by Thomas Nelson, 2004).